Hurt But Still Chose Differently | THEBEYONDWOMAN

It’s easy to say, “Hurt people hurt people. It’s harder to say, “I was hurt… and I still chose differently. Pain is real. Rejection is real. Indifference is real. But so is awareness and self-possession and choice.

For years, I experienced something subtle but intentional:

Food I prepared for family dinners would go untouched.

Conversations would shift when I entered the room.

Children were quietly discouraged from interacting with me.

Stories were told – carefully crafted – suggesting I was jealous. Of her. Of her life. Of her family.

It was an ongoing performance of indifference.

But here is what’s fascinating about indifference: Real indifference is effortless. It doesn’t require strategy. It doesn’t require witnesses. It doesn’t require repetition.

When someone must repeatedly demonstrate that you do not matter, what they are often revealing is that you do. And none of it made me feel small because I understood something deeper: if you have to work that hard to prove I am insignificant, then clearly I am significant enough to occupy space in your consciousness.

That realization didn’t inflate me. It grounded me. It reminded me that I was still living, still breathing, still thriving, still healthy, and still aligned – even in valley moments. Your narrative about me did not become my identity.

And this dynamic is everywhere.

We see it in the culture of “bad in-laws” — subtle competition, quiet undermining, territorial energy and more. We see it in landlords who wield control with hostility. In our exes’ current partners — trolling on social media, speaking poorly about us, or creating narratives to make themselves look better while subtly diminishing us. It shows up in siblings or childhood friends who shared a home but had different experiences — one perceived favor, the other perceived neglect — leaving one to compete or belittle the other years later.

Sometimes intellect, achievements or titles are weaponized. Often, people hide behind status, education or accomplishments — using them to mask the ugliness festering in their consciousness. But intellect, accomplishments or status do not absolve you of your trauma. they do not absolve you of how you choose to show up. No one made you act the way you are acting. And nothing — not your degrees, your accolades, your title or your position — will absolve you of accountability.

It is easier to lower someone than to confront why their existence unsettles you. It is easier to project than to self-reflect. It is easier to compete than to heal. But hurt does not remove responsibility. Pain may explain behavior, it does not excuse impact.

We have to normalize something better. Normalize compassion, normalize kindness, normalize love — even from a distance and normalize respect — especially when you disagree. Normalize self-reflection before accusation, accountability without humiliation.

Because the truth is this: making someone feel “less than” does not make you “more than.” It simply reveals an internal deficit looking for relief.

Real power is regulated and real confidence does not require comparison. Maturity understands that someone else’s light does not threaten yours. And if you find yourself constantly trying to remind someone of their flaws, their past, their perceived inferiority — ask yourself: What discomfort in me is asking to be seen?

Conscious living is not about pretending we are never hurt. It is about refusing to weaponize our hurt.

It is about choosing alignment over ego. Choosing dignity over dominance. Choosing peace over performance. You cannot control how others process their wounds. But you can control whether you become collateral damage in their avoidance.

Hurt people may hurt people, but power chooses otherwise. And healed people? They rise. They stand tall. They shine — without dimming anyone.

LISTEN TO OUR LATEST PODCAST CONVERSATION

Gatekeeping doesn’t always look like exclusion. Sometimes it looks like silence, withheld information, or opportunities that never get shared. In this solo episode of TheBeyondWoman Conversations Podcast, host Jacqueline Johnson explores how gatekeeping — especially among women — quietly limits growth, leadership, and collective success. Grounded in real-world experience, Caribbean context, and research-backed insight, this episode challenges the scarcity mindset many women were conditioned to adopt and offers a healthier, more sustainable alternative. This is not a conversation about blame. It’s about awareness, responsibility, and building a culture where women don’t just rise — they rise together.

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